ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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