My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
