the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
