is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize