Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
