No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
