non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I didn't notice because vodka
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
