I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We had to coat check the pizza.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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