Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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