i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
