I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
