I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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