why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
