Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
