The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
