I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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