I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
