I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
