dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
