its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my poor anus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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