He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
