this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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