i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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