I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
