Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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