he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
