I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
