And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
