This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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