i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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