Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
