Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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