i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
