do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
