I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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