Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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