Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
