what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
