I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
