Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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