well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize