omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Will exercising make me less horny?
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