Your face is a jimmy john
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
