So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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