I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
