Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize