I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize