dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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