the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
