I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
