I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
