I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
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