Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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