I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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