and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
