I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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