Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
