you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
