I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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