Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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