Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
