i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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