I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize