i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
