Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
