Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
