Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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