I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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