all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
