Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
