All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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