I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
