8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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