I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
