On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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