The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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