She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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