Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
