just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
