I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
